Fairly Unfair Society

A striking issue that has risen nowadays is extreme dissatisfaction regarding your own body image. Owing to the advent of marriage bureaus and the rishta-seeking culture, people are becoming increasingly conscious about the color of their skin. Dusky people seem to have taken a fetish for skin-lightening products such as creams, pills and even injections. As was perceived of old, only girls were facing peer pressure to apply ubtans, fairness creams and totkas, the surprising factor is that nowadays even their male counterparts are seen to be resorting to this questionable activity.

This makes you seriously wonder where our society is headed. If this is the basis of finding spouses, I wonder how concrete the marriages, which form based on these foundations, would be. Body-shaming is so prevalent in our society that we’re willing to pretend to be of a different color and fake it in front of the one individual, with whom the only basis of our relationship is trust. If this is a standard, what would become of the children that come out of these unions? These medications aren’t going to change or affect the genes in any way. So, if the babies turn out to be “shockingly” dark, would they be thrown away? Or be subject to just such humiliating bouts of medication and injections to turn out fairer?

All throughout my childhood and adulthood, I have fought with obesity. Being plump as a child did not allow me to fit into the “normal” body category. Kids can be inadvertently mean but so can older people. Our society tends to believe that if you’re not “normal” (by its own twisted standards), you are not allowed to have feelings, or maybe, they just don’t matter. As a kid, this affected my self-confidence and I grew up to be an extremely shy person. As someone who has struggled with her body image all throughout her life, I have worked hard to build up my self-esteem from the ground up.

My story and the accounts of countless others who were made to feel ashamed of their weight, height, skin color or any other aspect of how they look, provide a strong indication that we, as people, are morally spiraling downwards – and fast. As an aunt to a niece, who appears to be facing the same kinds of issues as me, I can tell why she feels shy or doesn’t speak up in class. It is because she’s afraid of being made fun of, of being shamed for who she is. It is because of this that I cannot stress enough on how important it is to raise children who are kind, respectful, helpful, friendly, compassionate, empathetic and considerate of others.

If we ourselves can find peace with being discontented with who we are, how we appear and are consistently in the habit of comparing ourselves to others, incessantly trying to “adapt” to the society’s standards without any qualms, we’re going to teach our children that it’s okay for others to criticize them based on how they look and their material achievements. Are these the values we want to inculcate within our future generation? Are we going to teach them to be forever unhappy about who they are and how they look? Are we going to be okay with them comparing themselves to others and nurturing jealousies? Or instead, are we going to educate them to be satisfied in their own skin?

It is high time we bring up children with the right priorities in life. We need to make them people, who can look beyond the skin and beneath the physical beauty. They should be encouraged to identify their own unique talents and capabilities. They should be directed to make decisions that promote healthier lifestyles. They should be supported in becoming people of character and intellect. So that they become individuals with a strong sense of self-worth. 

We, as responsible adults, should instill within them, the wonderful core values our religion teaches us. We need to train them to be thankful for everything Allah has Blessed them with, to be content and satisfied with what they have. We need to coach them to look for the good in themselves and in others. We need to raise them up as confident and skilled individuals, who contribute compassionately to the welfare of others, who are kind and helpful, considerate and patient, who benefit others and have beautiful hearts.

The Mithoo Series – The Unfortunate Incident

A week before Eid-ul-Azha last year, Inaaya went to the birthday party of her friend’s sister. Oh yes. Talk about social life of a three-year-old! She went with her mother of course, and her little sister just had to tag along because she’s so little.

While my sister-in-law attended to Tahani, she left Inaaya in a playing room filled with lots of toys and instructed her to stay there. Inaaya, like any fun-loving, excited kid couldn’t hold on and went outside to the amusement-park-like setup created for the birthday party. The setup along with a lot of other rides, also consisted of a life-sized kids’ car, that would come sliding down with enormous speed along with several other miniature slides and playground rides fit for children around Inaaya’s age.

As Inaaya stood at the edge of the slide, awaiting her turn, she was unfortunately target to the fast-approaching car and became victim to the pain and anguish caused to a little kid and not to mention their family, as a result of a fracture. It was heart-wrenching to see a kid like her, who is so cautious even when descending the stairs or jumping to be subject to such plight. The poor kid had buckle-fractured her leg, which meant a slight bend had occurred to one of her bones, which are still very flexible for children her age.

After getting her leg plastered and suddenly realizing her inability to perform routine tasks of walking and wearing sandals, she burst into tears saying, “Main sandals kaise pehnoon gi?! Iss ko hatao! (How am I going to wear my sandals? Remove this!)” She cried all the way home and then when she was laid on the bed, fresh tears sprang into her eyes as she was able to closely view and apprehend her leg disappearing beneath the plaster. “Mera paer kahan gia (Where’d my leg go)?!” Funny as this innocently uttered sentence was, it still reflected the fear and anxiety that would strike anyone, young or old with a plastered leg.

A little cheering up worked and gradually she got used to having to stay on bed the whole day through, creating interesting activities for her own self like painting, coloring, going through educational books and habitually playing with her toys with the exception that she couldn’t move around much, which in itself was heartbreaking because she is a very active kid. The fact that she was getting a lot of attention eased any frustration that she would have experienced.

The plaster on her leg bound her to bed for two weeks. Within those two weeks, we tried our best to keep her entertained. One day, her parents had taken her to school so that she could visit her friends and teacher. When I came back from office, her troubled expressions every time her school was mentioned made me realize that something had gone wrong. Her teacher, in a bid to protect her from getting more injured, had kept her at a distance from all the kids. She had kept her seated in her chair, while all the other kids performed their routine activities, forming their regular human circle on the floor. This had affected her very deeply and she had felt extremely left out instead of feeling normal and part of the regular crowd as we had anticipated. So much so that a little teasing about leaving her in to the hospital alone if she gave us trouble with taking her medicine made bouts of tears roll down her cheeks as she hurtfully replied, “Mujhe durr ni rakho, main sab ka friend hoon (Don’t keep me away, I’m everybody’s friend)!”

The arrival of Eid-ul-Azha would have caused us more pain had she been the age and the kind of kid who loved to play with animals as the festival really marks as celebratory for the younger lot, who spend night and day, caring for, feeding and running around with their sacrificial animals. The only disappointment was that she couldn’t go to visit the tent set up for sacrificial animals for the building though she required a lot of coaxing before she gave in for a visit the previous year.

Visiting the doctor gave a little relief by the end of the second week, when she was allowed to walk even with the plaster on her leg. Being an intelligent and observant child, she quickly devised a method of walking around with the heavy plaster clinging to her leg. She held on to furniture and walls and easily made her way around the house – a sight that jointly aroused compassion with pleasure.

At the end of three dreadful weeks, Inaaya finally said bye-bye to her plaster for good and started to walk again – with a limp in the beginning as getting used to not having the plaster took some time.

If anything, those three weeks brought forth a realization about the trial endured by people, who unfortunately have children, who are either special or are unable to carry themselves around the house to accomplish daily routine tasks. Having to carry around a three and half year old Inaaya, who although was not a heavy kid but still had considerable weight and catering to her every need while she was totally dependent on us made us feel ever grateful to the Almighty for Blessing us with children who are not only healthy and able but bright and skillful too.

Polly put the Kettle On, Let’s all have Tea!

A couple of weeks ago, I participated in a competition organized by a famous tea company from a social networking site, in which they wanted the participants to give ideas for advertisements. Here’s the elaborated version of what I thought up:

A son studying in a hostel finds his eyes closing every now and then as he tries to study for his exam. He gets up, frustrated and goes to the kitchen to make tea for his own self in order to stay awake. As the tea brews, memories of his mother bringing tea for him while he studied come to his mind that make him really wish that she were there for him or that he were at home.

From the hostel kitchen, we are led to the welcoming kitchen of a loving household, where in front of the stove, stands a granddaughter making special kind of tea with just the right mix of ‘masala’ her grandfather preferred. She carries the tea to her grandfather’s room and places the tray on the table next to her grandfather’s antique rocking chair, seated on which was not her grandfather but the sleeping form of his wife. The light thump awakens her grandmother, who picks up the cup of tea as the two stare at the picture of the deceased. Tears trickle down the cheeks of the woman, who has taken up the role of her husband in order to keep his memories alive.

In a family of over-enthusiasts, a newly-wed girl who has never tasted tea ever, amidst the numerous flashes and clicks of cameras, takes a sip for the first time from the hands of her ‘sasu-ma’ in her 'sasural' just to please her in-laws as the whole family of tea-buffs, old and young, gathers around to magnify this interesting little activity to the height of an event worthy of celebration.

From the hustle and bustle of that family living room, we are led to a room that literally holds pin-drop silence and reminiscent within the room, is a businessman, on a trip away from his family, taking some time out from his busy schedule in order to relax himself with a cup of tea and stare at his happy family photo. His thoughts travel to the life he lives, where every evening, his wife would carry a tray with enough cups and mugs of different shapes and sizes according to the preference of the variety of people forming the joint-family household setup. Soon to follow would be another tray carrying assorted tea-time snacks and biscuits for everybody. He smiles for a while before the silence of the room brings him back to the striking loneliness of the present.

The concept is that tea is a part of the routine lives of these people and when you are away from your loved ones, the only thing that you really remember is the everyday happenings and the customary things in your life, which is pretty much what you can relate your routine cup of tea with.

The concept I presented was quite clichéd and I agree that there was nothing new about it. Maybe because I inherently believe that there’s nothing new about drinking tea either. Ever since I can remember, I have seen my mother keep a pot of tea to brew on the stove regularly in the mornings and evenings. I also remember having tea-biscuit for breakfast with the help of my mother before I left for kindergarten class. The nursery rhyme in the title also brings back a lot memories of the most common and basic toys that most young girls grow up playing with - tea-cup and kitchen sets.

For someone accustomed to drinking tea more than thrice a day, up until a few years ago it was quite surprising for me to hear that some people really don’t drink tea! Since, it’s like an overall family tradition to have tea with breakfast and in the evenings at least, we’ve long since wanted to teach our older Mithoo to drink tea. On the other hand, the little-est and not to mention the cutest member of our family, despite being less than four months of age, really shows family instincts as she excitedly stares at our cups of tea. 

The Mithoo Series – Life is simple!

And it sure is, when you look at it through the eyes of a three-year-old!

The homes that are blessed with children can always find a source of relaxation as a few moments spent with these tiny little beings can cheer you up and leave you in a lighter mood despite the circumstances you’re in. They’re like flowers that require a nourishing atmosphere, care and protection from all troubles and in order to inculcate such an environment, we tend to forget our own problems just by being with them. 

My Mithoo and I

By the Grace of the Almighty, our home is Blessed with two wonderful little princesses, who happen to be my nieces, three-and-a-half-year-old Inaaya and three-month-old Tahani. This is a series dedicated to my Mithoo, Inaaya, whose little actions and constant chatter and cute interpretation and usage of words brings lots of cheer into our household. I thought it would be interesting to share her antics with everybody as I’ve always found my friends enjoying when I shared with them my experiences with her.

Inaaya had been called to school this weekend on Saturday because of the numerous holidays they had been granted owing to the difficult situations our city has been facing. Not having a habit of sleeping in the afternoon, she uses all of her time to play, play and play – the one thing that signifies her right as a child. She sometimes does feel the need to have somebody else around whom she could share her enthusiasm of playing with. It’s not impossible to say that she might find that companion in her younger sister once she reaches that age. But for now, she either has to do alone or convince the elder people in the house to frolic with her.

After her constant activity, she went with my parents and sister-in-law to see my father’s uncle, who has come to settle in Pakistan after staying a long, long time abroad. It was way past her early bedtime when she returned home. All her exertion the whole day long had rendered her so exhausted and void of all energy that she could only muster up a little more just enough to slump on my parents’ bed. Her condition had led the elders to decide that she would not be going to school the next day so just to tease her a little, I told her that she has to go to school the next morning. Knowing very well from the conversation that had transpired a while ago that she would not be going, she said, “Aap, hai na, aap, hai na (You should, you should)…” My heart melt at the difficulty she was experiencing in thinking straight because of her weariness as it took her a long time to form a proper sentence. “Aap school phone kar ke bol do ke kal school nai rakhey, main kal nai aaoonga (You should phone the school to call an off tomorrow because I won’t be coming)!” She managed finally, putting her hand to her ear as an illustration.

I laughed at her innocence. Kids make everything sound and look so simple. They don’t just want but expect the whole world to go according to their will. May Allah always Bless the innocence of these wonderful sources of joy in our lives and Guide them to become great people.